Some years ago on a trip to the Big Bend of Texas with My Lovely Bride (MLB), we went for dinner at a very nice restaurant in Alpine.  On the way out, I was helping MLB down the slate stairs leading to the parking lot when she lost her balance and began falling backward.  Not one to let her crash and burn without me, I proceeded to lose my balance as well, after which we both went down for the count. Looking back, the whole process seemed to have taken place in slow motion as we … in unison … dropped to a sitting position on the top stair and then … still in synch … collapsed all the way back until we were, side by side, lying on our backs in the restaurant entryway. 

I recall this event for two reasons … first, I am confident that we would have scored higher in the Olympic Team Tumbling competition if not for the fact that the Russian judge only gave us a score of 4.5.

The second reason I remember this event so vividly is that I know we dodged a bullet.  Though we both wound up laughing while struggling to get back on our feet, if that same scenario were to play out today, I am certain that someone would be dialing 911, and long-term rehab would be taking over our calendar.

All this is the long way around of saying … well … I’m starting to feel my age more and more of late.  That is not to say that I plan to spend my remaining time sitting on the porch yelling at kids to “get the hell off my lawn,” but I have to admit that the days of hanging on the rim in a pickup basketball game are behind me.  On the plus side, I meet regularly with my doctors, I try to stick to a healthy diet, and I engage in moderate exercise on a daily basis.  All of this, I am told, goes in the “plus” column.

At the same time, I have come to understand that while careful management of the physical dimensions of aging is essential, equal attention must be paid to emotional equilibrium and stress management.  In that vein, a recent Wall Street Journal article recommends the creation of a personal “F___ it Bucket” into which we can toss upsetting information that we can’t change.  An excellent suggestion … in fact, I have already put a few things in my bucket:

Family Drama  This one is not talking to that one.  The other one is still angry about something said twenty-five years ago.  Some blow off family events because … well, who knows?  This sort of thing used to make me anxious … now it just makes me tired.

Politics  Among the most volatile of areas, it seems few actually focus on listening or being respectful of differing opinions.  I will always vote, of course, but discussion of political views is off the table.

Media  Much like the political arena, limiting exposure to news media of every stripe is essential.  We subscribe to a range of news sources and it always entertaining to note how different media outlets report and editorialize on exactly the same event.

Sports  A life-long sports fan, I no longer pay attention to who wins any athletic contest, or the opinion of overpaid pro (and college) players.  This is especially so when their outrageous salaries are measured against the vast numbers of people in need of assistance.

Needless to say, there is ample room remaining in my “Bucket” for additional items and I am confident that, as time goes on, other nuisance issues will be added.

While expounding on the travails of aging in the midst of the holiday season, I can’t help but think of the classic Christmas poem “The Night Before Christmas.”  In particular, I can identify … up to a point … with the fellow who hears a clatter outside and “springs from his bed” to see what is going on.  The difference between that mythical fellow and me is that, first, I would slowly sit up on the side of the bed.  Then, I would take a moment to collect my thoughts.  Next, I would stand up carefully and after slowly limping to the window I would open the sash and yell:

Get the hell off my lawn!