Tag: family

Looking for Mr. Ames

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Working as a police officer in the early 1970’s in upstate New York, I can recall being dispatched in the middle of the night to a remote dirt road to look for an elderly woman reported wandering aimlessly in her nightclothes.  Having been sent there previously, I knew that it would be Mrs. Ames, and that she was, once again, out searching for her husband and her son … both of whom who had passed away years before. 

Given our scant knowledge of dementia at that time, it was our understanding that Mrs. Ames was “senile.”  That being so, I did what we always did … I picked her up, took her back to her home, and sought a family member to take her into their care.

Over the many years since my paltry efforts to help a disoriented woman to safety, I have come to understand that Mrs. Ames suffered from dementia … an umbrella term encompassing a broad range of brain conditions that cause a progressive decline in a person’s ability to think and remember.  What’s more, the loss of these abilities makes it increasingly difficult for people to function or care for themselves.

Today, dementia in its many forms is far better understood and, in the law enforcement community, comprehensive training is readily available for police agencies nationwide.  The International Association of Chiefs of Police, for example, provides model policies   and training curricula to prepare officers for encounters with citizens suffering from dementia, as well as checklists to follow in mounting a search for someone who may have wandered away and gone missing.

My wife, Bonnie, and I, are fortunate to reside in a community where a number of resources are available to those suffering from dementia and to their caregivers.  Just a few of the very supportive entities upon which one can call in our area include Dementia Friendly Fort Worth (dffw.org), the James L. West Center for Dementia Care (jameslwest.org), and Musical Memory Singers (musicalmemorysingers.org).  

Given the fact that one in three seniors dies with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, having access to support and guidance of this nature is invaluable.

As I look back some fifty years to that rural road and my interaction with Mrs. Ames (not her real name), several thoughts come to mind.  First, I hope that I treated her with dignity and compassion as I picked her up, took her back to her home, and reached out to family to care for her.  Second, I am comforted in the knowledge that first responders, today, are far better prepared than I was, to identify and assist individuals suffering with dementia.

Finally, I have boundless gratitude for the efforts of those working to find a cure for Alzheimer’s, as well as for the many groups and volunteers who provide support and guidance to individuals struggling with that awful disease, and to their caregivers.

Gail Weatherill has been a practicing RN for more than 40 years, and is a board-certified Alzheimer’s Educator.   Her poignant words are an inspiration to anyone touched by this awful disease:

Dementia care … it’s not rocket science, it’s heart science.

Driving Miss Bonnie

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As a young kid with a brand new drivers license, the exhilaration of driving a beat-up ’51 Plymouth station wagon with “3-on-the- tree” was, to me, like being behind the wheel of a Lamborghini.  Oh, the places I would go … as long as I was home by dark, of course, because the old jalopy, among its many other ailments, did not have working headlights.

Now that I am in my 80’s, driving remains among my most enjoyable activities … especially when my lovely bride, Bonnie, is performing her navigator duties from the passenger seat.  And while that 16-year-old kid rattling around our little village in upstate New York could only imagine exploring places unknown, we are actually able to do that … and, oh my goodness, we do!

Though we reside in a city whose population just passed one million, we are located on its western fringe.  This gives us convenient access to the vast rural areas that bring us such enjoyment.  Avoiding Interstate highways we, instead, traverse state, county and “Ranch to Market” roads that introduce us to locales and scenery we would otherwise miss.

It doesn’t matter, by the way, that we may have driven a particular route previously, the change of seasons always presents us with a different version of what we saw the last time we passed.  The Bluebonnets … the Indian Paint Brush … the Cactus Flowers.  In one neighborhood, there is a herd of deer that seems almost domesticated as they stand by the roadside and watch us pass.

To the best of my recollection, that ’51 Plymouth mentioned above had a scratchy AM radio glued to WABC (Cousin Brucie!).  Our current ride is much more comfortable, and the Sirius radio allows us to alternate between soft rock, 60’s Gold and Country.  But regardless of the background music and even the scenery, after 60 years of marriage, it doesn’t get much better … talking … holding hands … and just looking at the world around us.

Settled In … and Loving It!

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Reading through the morning newspaper, a headline in the real estate section caught my eye: Homebuilder Woos Apartment Tenants with 12-Month Rent Rebate Offer Toward a House.  The article went on to explain that a developer who builds both individual houses and multi-family complexes, has developed this innovative scheme in hopes of luring families away from apartments toward home ownership.  

Thinking about this unusual offer, my immediate reaction was … why would anyone do such a thing?  What would make someone leave an apartment to buy a house?

Just kidding, of course, for home ownership has, historically, been a major part of the “American Dream” with young families, in particular, seeking their own plot of land upon which to raise a family.  But, that said, my wife, Bonnie, and I are in a very different place when it comes to our choice of domicile and lifestyle; just over two years ago, we sold our home and moved into a superb 55+ Active Adult apartment community … and we love it.

Recently, while sorting through some old financial records, I came across a list of the recurring bills we paid when we owned our last house.  Frankly, I had forgotten how many there were and, when compared to those we now pay in our apartment, the remarkable difference is just one reminder of why we celebrate our decision to live where we do: 

What We Paid in Our House                           What We Pay in Our Apartment

Mortgage                                                                 Rent

TV/Internet/Phone                                               TV/Internet

Real Estate Taxes

City Services (water,sewer,trash)

Heat/AC Service Contract

Alarm System

Yard Maintenance

HOA Fees

Pest Control

In the midst of writing this blog post, the doorbell rang.  Stepping away from my desk, I went to the door where I found our maintenance man stopping by for routine BookCoverPreview.doreplacement of the air filter in the heating and AC unit in our apartment.  This was perfect timing, for it reminded me of one more very important reason why apartment living is exactly right at this stage of our lives … on the few occasions when we have had to submit a maintenance request, the work has been done quickly, professionally and at no cost to us.  And here’s the best part … it is always done by someone else!

It will be interesting to learn whether the new “Rent Rebate” idea works out for this builder, and we certainly wish him well.  And though I am sure we are outside the “target demographic” for this offer, we would not consider anyway … even for a moment … buying a house.  We owned homes for more than fifty years and, without question, doing so enabled us to raise our children in comfortable surroundings and good communities.  But now that it is just the two of us … well, this is our “me time,” and we are really making the most of it!

We just passed the two-year mark in our apartment home, which likely qualifies Bonnie and me as “settled in.”  Even so, barely a day goes by without one of us turning to the other and asking: “Why didn’t we do this sooner?” 

Rightsizing … One Year Out

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Wow, that year certainly went by quickly! It is hard to believe that we just passed the one-year anniversary of our effort to “rightsize” our lives but, that being so, we got to wondering how we might measure the results of our endeavor. We had high hopes, of course, that the move from a house to an apartment would be a good one but, now that we are settled in, what is our level of satisfaction?

In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey suggests that each of us “start with the end in mind,” and that is exactly what we did before starting down this road. In preparing for this transition, Bonnie and I discussed and settled upon who we are, what we wanted from life, and how we wanted to live now and into the future. With that established – and using that vision as our goal – we made a “leap of faith” … we sold our house, got rid of a lot of “stuff,” and moved into an Over 55 Active Retirement Community.

And the result has been better than we had any right to expect.

For example, one of our goals was to live in a comfortable and maintenance-free environment. Our apartment home surpasses all of these criteria … it is quiet, comfortable, roomy, and well-appointed. Further, on the very few occasions when a maintenance issue arose over the past year, it was handled quickly, professionally, at no cost and … here’s the best part … the work was done by someone else!

Moving to a new community always presents a range of potential social concerns: How will we connect with people? Will our new neighbors compare favorably with those we left behind? For us, any worries were erased immediately by the warm and welcoming reception we received from everyone we met. We now find ourselves among folks from a demographic niche much like ours and, to our delight, many of our new neighbors have interests and life experiences very similar to our own.

Individually, Bonnie and I have joined groups that bring us enjoyment and growth. For instance, once each week I go to breakfast with a band of ten-to-fourteen men whose backgrounds and accomplishments are amazing, while Bonnie has connected with a group of women who enjoy a variety of activities and interests. Together, we have befriended several couples with whom we enjoy going to lunch, dinner or area entertainment venues on a regular basis.

If asked to complete a satisfaction survey evaluating the way we “rightsized” our lives over the past year, we would have to rate the experience as “exceeded expectations” in every way. And while we celebrate having made this transition and what it has done for us, we continue to struggle with one nagging question:

Why didn’t we do this sooner?