Month: December 2025

Aging Not So Gracefully

~ danbonbooks ~ Leave a comment

Some years ago on a trip to the Big Bend of Texas with My Lovely Bride (MLB), we went for dinner at a very nice restaurant in Alpine.  On the way out, I was helping MLB down the slate stairs leading to the parking lot when she lost her balance and began falling backward.  Not one to let her crash and burn without me, I proceeded to lose my balance as well, after which we both went down for the count. Looking back, the whole process seemed to have taken place in slow motion as we … in unison … dropped to a sitting position on the top stair and then … still in synch … collapsed all the way back until we were, side by side, lying on our backs in the restaurant entryway. 

I recall this event for two reasons … first, I am confident that we would have scored higher in the Olympic Team Tumbling competition if not for the fact that the Russian judge only gave us a score of 4.5.

The second reason I remember this event so vividly is that I know we dodged a bullet.  Though we both wound up laughing while struggling to get back on our feet, if that same scenario were to play out today, I am certain that someone would be dialing 911, and long-term rehab would be taking over our calendar.

All this is the long way around of saying … well … I’m starting to feel my age more and more of late.  That is not to say that I plan to spend my remaining time sitting on the porch yelling at kids to “get the hell off my lawn,” but I have to admit that the days of hanging on the rim in a pickup basketball game are behind me.  On the plus side, I meet regularly with my doctors, I try to stick to a healthy diet, and I engage in moderate exercise on a daily basis.  All of this, I am told, goes in the “plus” column.

At the same time, I have come to understand that while careful management of the physical dimensions of aging is essential, equal attention must be paid to emotional equilibrium and stress management.  In that vein, a recent Wall Street Journal article recommends the creation of a personal “F___ it Bucket” into which we can toss upsetting information that we can’t change.  An excellent suggestion … in fact, I have already put a few things in my bucket:

Family Drama  This one is not talking to that one.  The other one is still angry about something said twenty-five years ago.  Some blow off family events because … well, who knows?  This sort of thing used to make me anxious … now it just makes me tired.

Politics  Among the most volatile of areas, it seems few actually focus on listening or being respectful of differing opinions.  I will always vote, of course, but discussion of political views is off the table.

Media  Much like the political arena, limiting exposure to news media of every stripe is essential.  We subscribe to a range of news sources and it always entertaining to note how different media outlets report and editorialize on exactly the same event.

Sports  A life-long sports fan, I no longer pay attention to who wins any athletic contest, or the opinion of overpaid pro (and college) players.  This is especially so when their outrageous salaries are measured against the vast numbers of people in need of assistance.

Needless to say, there is ample room remaining in my “Bucket” for additional items and I am confident that, as time goes on, other nuisance issues will be added.

While expounding on the travails of aging in the midst of the holiday season, I can’t help but think of the classic Christmas poem “The Night Before Christmas.”  In particular, I can identify … up to a point … with the fellow who hears a clatter outside and “springs from his bed” to see what is going on.  The difference between that mythical fellow and me is that, first, I would slowly sit up on the side of the bed.  Then, I would take a moment to collect my thoughts.  Next, I would stand up carefully and after slowly limping to the window I would open the sash and yell:

Get the hell off my lawn!

Have a Hippie Holiday!

~ danbonbooks ~ Leave a comment

So, I’m sitting here trying to come up with some Christmas gift ideas for my bride, when my eyes fall upon an ad for something called “Instant Pot.” Whoa! Can this really be what the name suggests? Has some genius finally designed a system for creating weed without having to go through the whole planting, cultivating, and harvesting thing?

Alas, upon reading further, the full details of the “Instant Pot” became clear … it is nothing more than a kitchen appliance that can be used to cook a wide range of foods in a variety of ways. Sigh … well, I guess that is a pretty good idea as well.

In my defense, my initial thoughts about this product were likely driven by fond reminisces of my time working as a police officer at the 1969 Woodstock Festival, and the fact that we only recently celebrated the 50th Anniversary of that singular event.  But come to think of it, perhaps there is more to it than just that … maybe there is, as some have suggested, some sort of a magical connection between Hippies, marijuana and Christmas.

For example, what should we make of the fact that the words C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S and W-O-O-D-S-T-O-C-K have the same number of letters? Or that the names of S-A-I-N-T-N-I-C-K and W-A-V-Y-G-R-A-V-Y are identical in length? What about M-I-S-T-L-E-T-O-E and M-A-X-Y-A-S-G-U-R? Are these all mere coincidences? You be the judge.

There is even some speculation that Santa, himself, may be an occasional toker. Those who take that position cite, as evidence, several of his well known behaviors that are common to regular users of marijuana. For example:

Munchies It is a well known fact that smoking marijuana creates an appetite for copious amounts of tasty and binge-worthy food. Santa loves cookies … think of how many he eats in just one night!

Forgetfulness One notable side of effect of marijuana use is the way it is said to affect memory. Santa needs to keep a list for everything and, as we know, he has to check it twice. The guy can’t even remember who’s naughty and who’s nice!

Paranoia Like many marijuana users, Santa goes to great lengths to conceal his location and even his very existence!

Always Happy Stoners readily admit that, when high, it is difficult to suppress their giggles. Santa is always smiling, laughing and generally jolly. What does that tell you?

As we all cross our fingers wondering what we will find under the tree on Christmas morning, stoners can breathe easy. In North Pole, Alaska, a member of the city council by the name of Santa Claus (yes, his real name) took exception to a recent ordinance that prohibits a marijuana business in his city. He even went public with his objection noting: “Cannabis users will not be getting coal in their stockings unless they have done some other thing that might be considered egregious.”

Hippie Holidays!